FOCUS ON THE FAMILY COLUMN
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Dr. James Dobson Comments: When Drinking Becomes a Problem By Dr. James Dobson
QUESTION: My husband drinks excessively. Aside from getting help for my family, what should I do specifically for him? How on earth am I going to get him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous or some similar treatment program? He is deep in denial, and I’m not even sure he’s thinking straight right now. He couldn’t make a rational decision to save his life. How am I going to get him to cooperate? DR. DOBSON: You’re right about the difficulties you face. Begging won’t accomplish anything, and your husband may be dead before he admits he has a problem. Indeed, thousands die each year while denying that they are alcoholics. That’s why Al-Anon teaches family members how to confront in love. They learn how to remove the support systems that prop up the disease and permit it to thrive. They are shown how and when to impose ultimatums that force the alcoholic to admit his or her need for help. And sometimes they recommend separation until the victim is so miserable that his or her denial will no longer hold up. In essence, Al-Anon teaches its own version of the love-must-be tough philosophy to family members who must implement it. I asked Bob, a recovered alcoholic, if he was forced to attend Alcoholics Anonymous, the program that put him on the road to recovery. He answered: "Let me put it this way. No one goes to AA just because they’ve nothing better to do that evening. Everyone there has been forced to attend initially. You just don’t say, ‘On Monday night we watched a football game and on Tuesday we went to the movies. So what will we do on Wednesday? How about going over to an AA meeting?’ It doesn’t work that way. "Yes, I was forced—forced by my own misery. Pauline allowed me to be miserable for my own good. It was loving duress that moved me to attend." Though it may sound easy to achieve, the loving confrontation that brought Bob to his senses was a delicate maneuver. I must re-emphasize that families should not attempt to implement it on their own initiative. Without the training and assistance of professional support groups, the encounter could degenerate into a hateful, vindictive, name-calling battle that would serve only to solidify the drinker’s position. Al-Anon Family Groups and Alcoholics Anonymous are both listed in local phone books. Also to be found there is a number for the National Council on Alcoholism, which can provide further guidance (call toll-free at 1-800-622-2255). For teen-agers of an alcoholic parent there is Alateen. Teens can go there and share without their parents’ permission or knowledge, and it’s free. Send your questions to Dr. Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903. These questions and answers are excerpted from books authored by Dr. James Dobson and published by Tyndale House Publishers. Reprinted with permission by The Trumpeter. Sidebar Dr. Dobson can be heard on the following radio programs weekly: WMCU –FM 89.7 James Dobson Family Commentary 4:20 p.m. M-F Family News in Focus 8:03 a.m. M-F 11:03 a.m. M-F 3:03 p.m. M-F 6:03 p.m. M-F Adventures in Odyssey 8:30 p.m. M-F 8:30 a.m. Sat Focus on the Family 10:30 a.m. M-F 10:30 a.m. Sat WAXY-AM 790 2:00 p.m. Fri
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